


The Art of Staying

by mysupernaturalobsessions



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel, Canon Compliant, Depressed Castiel, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Worried Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 07:15:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4597668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysupernaturalobsessions/pseuds/mysupernaturalobsessions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel was a soldier of God. What is he supposed to do now that he's not?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Art of Staying

Cas was hovering again. Sometimes, Dean accepted it. The guy was an angel after all and human rules didn’t apply to him. But then again, he figured Cas was on Earth and he should act accordingly. He glared up over his book.

“What do you need, Cas?”

“Dean, I have a question.”

“Shoot.”

Cas sat in the chair across the table, staring at Dean like this question would make or break the universe. Dean looked at him impassively. “You never believed in God.”

Dean gaped at the angel. He was so not in the mood to get a lecture right now. “That’s not a question.”

Cas fidgeted in his chair. “Well, you grew up fighting demons and ghosts, but you didn’t believe in God or angels. So what good were you fighting for?”

“We save people, man. I do it for them. I’m not some soldier of God,” Dean said like the idea offended him. He glanced away, speaking more softly. “And neither are you, not anymore.”

“When I was an angel no one died needlessly. Every death I witnessed was purposeful, and I’m struggling, now, to find a reason to keep going. Everybody dies, Dean.”

Dean looked up, startled at the confession, and Cas looked devastatingly empty. Dean had nothing to say, he could barely even form a thought. Was Cas saying what he thought he was saying?

The angel stood up, chair straining against the wooden floor.

“Cas…” Dean reached forward.

Castiel shook his head. “Sorry for interrupting. I will go now.”

Dean wanted to stop him, should have, but after a final hesitation he disappeared. Dean stared at the ceiling for a long time after that. He sat there thinking, and there were only two things he knew for certain: one, he had royally fucked that up, and two, he would never forgive himself if Castiel went and got himself killed now.

It was weeks before either of the brothers saw Cas again. One morning, Dean went into the hallway and heard Sam talking to someone in the kitchen. He would recognize that deep rumble anywhere. He half-ran to the doorway, relief clear on his face.

Cas stood up to greet him.

Dean all but slammed into his chest and kissed the top of his head. “You stupid son of a bitch, where have you been?”

He met his brother’s eyes over the angel’s shoulder and glared. Sam smirked but scampered away after throwing a thumbs up to Dean. He rolled his eyes. 

“Dean?” Cas said quietly. They were still hugging. Dean jumped back. 

Dean scratched the back of his neck, looking sheepish. “It was for my dad.”

Castiel frowned. “What?”

“I never believed in God or angels, and I guess I still don’t have any faith in them, but I used to have faith in my dad, and I fought for him.”

“And now?”

“Now I fight for Sammy,” Dean said easily. He cleared his throat. “And you. And…and myself.”

“I’m an angel.”

Dean smiled. “Yeah, but you’re different. You…love humans, you care about them. And you eat human food and wear a stupid trench coat and you say words like ‘assbutt.’”

“That was one time, Dean.”

“And you fight for Sammy,” he continued, becoming somber. “And me. And you decide things for yourself.”

“Dean?” Cas waited for him to look up. “I’m going to hug you now.”

He went a little stiff, but he returned the hug nonetheless. Cas kissed his hair, and Dean blushed when he realized his little display of affection hadn’t gone unnoticed earlier. He whispered into Cas’s skin.

“I know you used to have God and a family of holy chickens, but do you think we’ll be enough? To keep you here?”

“Yes,” Cas whispered.

“Okay,” Dean said, and then just so things were clear. “You’re enough, too. For me.”


End file.
